BookBug's World…

reading, writing, crocheting, living….

Scaredy Cat…

20 Comments

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I am at the beginning of that path. Actually, probably more scratching on the door that would let me out so I can go on it… Knocking on it, not very convincing way at all, as if I were scared to go there…

So many times in the past I’ve knocked on that door, then stopping, shocked by the thought – what would happen if the door will actually open? If I will see that path and step on it? Then what? What if all the dreams, all that I think I have in me, would turn out to be nothing, if nobody will ever want to hear it?

Because I do not believe in writing just for myself anymore – I was doing that my whole life actually, starting in grade 5, as a homework assignment : “Write a diary for one month”. That was marked (how did the teacher justify that I have no clue, but that’s her problem I guess…), and I got hooked. So I was always writing there, for myself, hiding it or showing just to the chosen few, who thought the same way, and did the same thing. All the notebooks filled with thoughts, life, first and next loves, poems… That was for myself.

Then a big switch came, I packed my life into two suitcases and went into unknown. And lost myself. And then got used to it… I thought I’d never be able to write again. In my native language I couldn’t anymore… In English I wouldn’t dare…

Then came 2015 and somehow something changed, though I have no idea what and how. All I know I want to give it a try. Scared as heck, doubting myself every single step. To the point of freezing for a day or two, with a blank sheet of paper instead of thoughts and ideas. I am not too sure where to start.

I know I talk about this a lot. About not being sure if it makes sense. If I should just give up right here and avoid disappointment later on.

But I also know that the more I talk about it, the more sure I become that now is the time to give it best try. Whatever the “it” would be, and whatever comes out of it. 😉

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20 thoughts on “Scaredy Cat…

  1. I’m rooting for you, Emilia. If you go down this path, and it seems you are, you’ll be surprised where you find yourself in a year or two.

    I remember being in the same place you are now just a few years ago. I decided not to think too much about it, just take it one step at a time. For the first year, I wrote without sharing with anyone. Then I decided to do NaNoWriMo in 2013, which I won and that gave me all the confidence. Last September, I thought I’d get back to the blogging thing without really knowing what I was doing or even why. I just decided to go for it. I’ve answered those questions for myself now.

    I know where I am going. I can see the path before me (at least for the next few steps I have to take). I trust I will know where to go when the time comes. I’m ready for the inevitable surprises. It has been a wonderful experience, and I wish that for you. Trust that you’ll figure it all out in time when you need to. Enjoy the ride.

    • Thank you so much Ula! 🙂 Those are really important words from you, and thank you for sharing.
      Yes, I have decided to try, even though the scaredy-cat-days will come still I know that for sure, but will try. 🙂

  2. I think a worse feeling than “I might fail,” is the one when you realize you never even tried. So, go for it. It’s okay. You’re not going to die if you don’t get it right the first time. It’s a journey. Enjoy it. Gather your tribe and march on. You can do brave things!
    Play off the Page

    • I like that! And I am getting to the same idea actually – that why not to give it a try 🙂 I am just gathering my confidence, that I actually CAN try 😀 (complicated, I know 😀 )

  3. Today is a very good day to start telling your stories. Don’t worry about the rejection, it will come because everyone will never love everything you write but that is part of the process, we need to use the emotion to make our writing more powerful. Critique makes us better, stronger writers. Tell your stories!

  4. Well, you still write for yourself. Write the things that you like and that make you happy. If you like it, there will be other people out there who also like it. If, for some reason, you can’t find them, at least you’ve written things that you like.

  5. There’s no better time to try than right now. =)

    ~Patricia Lynne aka Patricia Josephine~
    Story Dam
    Patricia Lynne, Indie Author

  6. It doesn’t matter if you write poetry or prose. It doesn’t matter what language it is. If it’s in your blood it must be done. Don’t show anyone or post it here. For me I write because I have to. I’d go crazy. ‘nough said. 🙂

    Here’s my link if you’d like to drop by 🙂

    Anna from Elements of Writing

    • yup, been there 😀 your post made me do a research on the omniscient point of view 😉
      As to the language – for me it did matter. It just messed everything up, I kind of fall off of the native and did not fully fall into English for a while…
      Hope that’s over already 😉

  7. Even though it’s hard, grit your teeth and open that door. What’s the worst that can happen? You fall down but get yourself back up and learn from the experience.

    Best wishes,
    Diane IWSG #108

  8. I hope things work out for you. Good luck!

  9. You mustn’t give up! Keep writing every day! Remember that old saying, “Practice makes perfect.”, well if you’re not practicing, how in the world can you improve?
    You have ideas, just follow them. Or if you really truly don’t, grab a magazine and write something about the first picture you find. Or grab a book and write about the first interesting word you see. Write about the word “it”. Write anything. Anything at all, even if it’s just an onomatopoeia word to express your frustration at writing.
    You can do this!
    You know you can.
    You know you wanna! 🙂
    {{{hugs}}}

    • thanks Cathy, problem is that I know all that, but there is that paralyzing thing coming from the weird, not confident part of me that just freezes everything somehow…
      That will go, I know it will 😀 😀 😀

  10. Great job on tackling your fears! You are the only one who will know when you are ready for a change. Good luck! 😄

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